Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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