are you still at the devil's house?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
