I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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