does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
