We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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