I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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