Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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