Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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