I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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