Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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