i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
