Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize