Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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