shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
