I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
