i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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