Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
