i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
