i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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