Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
