Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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