One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
