Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
