She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
