and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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