I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
