You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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