i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
