I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
