I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
