I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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