I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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