when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
be right there i have to get my cape
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
