tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
