Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize