Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
