This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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