I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We're too hungover to prance.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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