well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
