Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I did not marry a roomba.
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