I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
