My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
