Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So squirting runs in the family.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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