we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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