Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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