We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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