Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
