just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
