I'm drive I can fine osifer
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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