There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
