I just threw up on my dentist
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
