Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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