Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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