So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
