Sponge bath it is.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize