what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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