i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
