i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
