I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
