you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My ATM looks so different sober.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
