I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
