I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
