totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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