Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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