hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
