Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
