You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
as a side note pls kill me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
