Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
