I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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