This is not my ceiling
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
