onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
