I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
