Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
