Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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