for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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